.......and I shall wait.

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

I hate you when you decipher my gloom without hearing my voice

I hate you when you are the first thought on my mind in the morning with a thousand more things craving for my attention

I hate you when every moonlit night,every surge on the ocean’s face ,the first drop of a summer shower or most simply a silent moment reminds me of you

I hate you when any string soulfully struck brings your radiant face flickering before my eyes

I hate you when I seek for you mindlessly in every crowd,every street,every corner.every edifice or even in the expanse of nothingness

I hate you when you make me smile at your little stupidities

I hate you when you spoil me with your care and concern...pampering me like a child

I hate you for the moments when you leave me speechless with your stunning charm and seraphic beauty

I hate you when you say ‘goodbye’ and leave my heart wailing like a baby

I hate you when I find myself loving you more and more...

RUN

No compulsions,no obsessions…still I do..
Is it the thrill? Is it the destination? Is it the drive?

I am unaware..
Fatigue is freshness.
Breathless , determined
Desperate , hopeful
Strained , inspired…
Exasprerated , forgiving
……confused.

The vicissitudes of the heavens formidable
…the blazing sun,the tempestuous torrent,the freeze spine chilling,heat…dust.tiring.
Pain,anguish and agony cast their menacing umbrage.the mind’s sky overcast…darkness engulfing.
Emotions impede me…nostalgia blurs my vision.A gust of guilt and a squall of doubt blows against my face.
Hints of diffidence assume diabolic proportions……A screeching,grinding halt seems inevitable…shall this road terminate?
Shall I succumb,surrender……stop?
A nod of the head,shaking off the cobwebs…a forceful shrug of the shoulders and I continue…UNFETTERED.
I RUN.
I have to…

Neither love nor hatred
Neither joy nor misery
Neither success nor failure
Feelings metamorphosize...responses change
Beliefs transformed...faith misplaced
Responsibilities shift and so does power....
Role reversals ,character replacements..
Relationships change faces,names and then...annihilate.
People and their thoughts....perspectives and opinions
...wanton winds of vicissitude foil any attempt of permanence


Voices honeyed nor venomous scorns,
Seasons of pain nor wisps of love...
Grief in the effusing drops nor the shatters of the breaking heart...tremors of trepidation nor the hash and hesitation
Lonely echoes of the wailing psyche nor the mirthful guffaws of the contented self
Neither the darkest umbrage nor the brightest radiance....

It’s true-“change is the only constant”

It’s obvious

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

At “yet another crossroad” of life’s journey I walked into a stranger who joined me in the odyssey of life
Days went by....Time ticked it’s way through weeks,months and years as I trod life’s tortuous and unpredictable avenues never realizing the subtle presence of this cohort-my fellow traveler


This span of time is all but a collection of moments-

Moments of your vanity...Moments of my consuming ego

Moments when I hurt you...Moments when you annoyed me

Moments when we differed...Moments when we conformed

Moments when you spoke...Moments when i listened

Moments when I didn’t speak...Moments when you still listened

Moments of laughing together..Moments when we remained silent

Moments when distances crept in..Moments when intimacy erased them

Moments when I comforted you...Moments when you understood me

Moments when you complained...Moments when I apologized

Moments when I asserted...Moments when you acknowledged


Pain inflicted,heart broken,sorrows lived,failures engulfed,existence torn apart,integrity interrogated,hopes crushed....but yet my heart bears no complains to GOD and LIFE who have endowed me with a

“A FRIEND LIKE YOU”

THE FACE IN THE MIRROR

Drenched,a day’s struggle washed out,I step out and suddenly pause as my gaze is caught by the face in the mirror....”who is it?”,I ask myself as a striking familiarity lurks from the crevices of the mind..i draw closer,stare at it.
The face is unique.a half lifetime of torment writ large on the brow.creased and folded it reflects the anfractuous intricacies housed within.furrowed and pale-it has been rendered by the chain of deceits it has withstood.
The eyes stoned.a gaze profound and suspicious.the weeping interior fails to vent through them as tears dry before making it out-seemed to have seen everything....simple pleasures,endless miseries,insurmountable egos,relationships gone awry,the ignominy of rejection.delve into them a little more and they present a darker umbrage of misfortune culminating in heartaches, sagas of pain and fables of failures ...so on and so forth.
The nose weary,having sniffed every emotion.the aroma of a mother’s affection,the puffs of spring laden with fragrances of first love,the odours of deception and the stink of guilt
I change the angle and notice the remarkable ears,still ringing in them are the echoes of mellifluous giggles,the venomous words of scorn,the eulogies of praise and the pejorative annotations.
the lips conceal within them storming revelations,confessions fighting to make it out,apologies and acknowledgements that never could be voiced,the tastes turned insipid with experiences of having loved,lost,....HURT.
I walk away....failing to recognize the face in the mirror.few steps paced I pause and reflect....
”....was that me ?”

Woes.....without you

(thoughts by a legend,reworded by me)

Those days when you had strolled into my life....
Life had livened up at your gracious advent,the seasons so sensuously clad....pathways were invitations that destinations had dished out....the flora around stood in wait,arms widespread,to drape me with the shawls of their comforting canopy...the dusk used to usher in a constellation of smiling stars,twinkling and amusing.the cool zephyr redolent with divine ballads used to caress and pass by,
The night sky was a lagoon of aqueous emerald where the moon blossomed daily and buoyed along to kiss the brims of my heart.....those days when you had strolled into my life...

....Tears have effaced the hues of desire....all innocent prediliction faded into lassitude.
YET the heart weaves dreams of union-aspires to conjure wreaths from pining wretches....
Seems like eons now that life has been a dismal drudge but a nook inside believes that there’s still a glimmer in the dark....name it ‘grit’ or simply ‘whimsical obstinacy’....
....HOPES have been incinerated to ashes yet there is some flame lurking in the remains....

“Aapki yaad kaise aayegi? aap ye kyon samajh na pate hain?...yaad to unki aati hai hum kabhi jinko bhul jaate hai”
Javed Akhtar