30 mins with you

The seemingly harsh rays of the sun shone on her imparting her that divine glow.She wilted in discomfort and snuggled up closer seeking solace in my embrace.Her silky curls kissed my chin,another brush with divinity.I slowly removed those strands that hung over her face revealing that indolent radiance emanating from her eyes...I took her delicate hands in mine and my fingers began drawing various patterns on the lithe skin on them.She chuckled playfully in response to the tickle,that nectar like timbre dissolved in me satiating innumerable desires.

A gentle breeze made it’s way into the room as the sun prepared to pack up after shimmering all through the long winter day.she trembled submissively as the chill even made me cuddle upto her.I protectively ensheilded her.She languidly reached out for the steaming coffee and sipped from the mug a couple of times still reclined more on me than on the bed unaware of the gaze of admiration with which I followed her every movement all the while.I sneaked out slowly and knelt beside her with a bottle of nail paint and smeared yet another coat on her toe nails...”she will manage to spoil them soon”,I murmured to myself and a smile unpretentiously adorned my lips.She turned and I drew close to rest my head on her lap...”are the heavens more snug?”.
Still lying calm and stationary I hummed the blissful tune to myself as the jingle of the A R Rahman composition sailed along from the music player...’hum hai iss pal yahan...’.

Don’t you see what you have done to me?
Don’t you see how I have changed?

I waltz in the rain
I gaze at stars
I smile at strangers every now and then
I hop on stairs

Don’t you see what you have done to me?
Don’t you see how I have changed?

I walk alone on untrodden paths
I halt and sometimes talk to the air
I scribble your name on lil’ scraps
I treasure your stuff with utmost care

Don’t you see what you have done to me?
Don’t you see how I have changed?

I love the sense of your thought in my head
I like the feel of your name on my lips
It’s funny how I cherish your presence even in your absence
You are my existence now

I dream you…I wish you
I live you now.


Don’t you see what you have done to me?
Don’t you see how I have changed?

I don’t love you like I loved you yesterday
I love you more
I have to admit…..I really do.

UNLOVED

Main ta jiya na mara
Hai bebas main ki kara

Dil jude bina hi tut gaye
Hath mile bina hi chuth gaye
Ki likhane lekha kismat ne

Baar baar rod ankhiyan
Tenu jo na wekh sakiyan
Ko le aaye yaar kudrat ne

Kata main kiwe din
Teri sau tere bin

Main to jiya na mara...

Courtesy:jag soona lage(om shanti om)

...ON A LIGHTER NOTE

People read my blog and I am extremely thankful to them for that since they dedicate time from their busy lives to me and I am really grateful to them for that coz' time is the most dearest entity one can ever offer another (though I sometimes pester my beautiful readers to actually visit my blog and read my posts and then they just have to do it.poor things!!) but there's something I need to let out to you people,the content of my blog does not neccessarily reflect my life...I mean a lot of thought on countless 'alternate universes','the dead-ends of life',

'the roads not taken' and a hell lot of other things go in making of my ramblings.I hope my dear readers get this.so please read on...

thank you again.

TEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU

I love you for the hopes and dreams my heart had fondly weaved at your glorious advent.

I love you for the magnitude to which I miss those sensuous springs,those snug winters,those soothing showers and most of all ‘you’.

I love you for all the lovely memories of the moments we spent as ‘ONE’.

I love you for the glimmer that your glimpse brings to my eyes and the gloom that shrouds when the thought of never being able to be your’s crosses me.

I love you for the pretensions of concern you were so good at.

I love you for the deceit you inflicted on my heart.

I love you for the infinities of solitude in which I now dwell.

I love you for the torment which I bear and the distrust which I now nurture.

I love you for the excruciating way you made me comprehend that life is not always fair.

I love you for your love that never was...

Why do we get hurt?I have mused over this question for quite sometime now.The amount of heartbreaks I see around me presents a much more sorrier sight than the relief and the happiness in the contented hearts...so what is it that actually causes a heartbreak?many days of introspection and silent pondering I have probably figured it out...it’s expectation.it is the expectation,it is what we desire from a certain relationship that attaches the element of pain onto it.the people involved don’t manage to live upto each other’s expectation,things start going awry and before even realization can dawn on one’s consideration the damage inflicted on the relationship is irrepairable.
Maybe,one of my friend’s approach to deal with relationships is the best.he believes that no matter how dear a person is to you there must still exist some “distance”(if he is to be quoted) between them.this would give each their own “space” and then you can be bonded warmly into any relationship without risking your emotional health.it’s true probably...so the bottomline is
for the sake of smooth blossoming of any relation

we should not venture into it’s forbidden lengths.

keep expectations out of the question and

enjoy every little sweetness that any association has to offer.

....Easier said than done though

Thank GOD

I lay on my bed practically motionless as the night drew to it’s ends,staring outside through the windows waiting for the morning sun’s virgin raysto peep in.I generally prefer to doze off early as I feel that it keeps my circadian rhythms proper.but somehow though strangely enough I had stayed up for long on this particular night.really irksome moments whem you wait for something and the wait seems to be extending for eons.all kind of thoughts had traversed my mind starting from the usual chaotic life in hostel to major incidents which have proved so pivotal that my life,my existence and my mentality would have been so much different without them.thoughts springing up from unknown crevices of my psyche which I never thought existed making me wander through times past and present,wonder over events large or simply insignifact,mulling over issues which have shaped my charecter and rationality,I finally decided to thank GOD !!...what followed as a result of this decision was worthy of an entry in this blog which is supposed to reflect me.

I thank god for allowing me to be a part of his creation.
For the loving family to which I was born.
For the carefree years of childhood.
For the friends who walked with me through various crossroads of life so far
For the pain and suffering inflicted cause they made me stronger and reinforced my faith in you.
For the follies and pitfalls which you made me evade.
For the incidents which made me think,think,think and think some more without being able to conclude any reasons for their occurrence.
For the people whom I met and interacted and understood to avoid others of the same kind.
For making me feel the warmth and compassion which some really important people lavish on me.
For teaching me to accept defeat.
For teaching me to accept success.
For the extremes of emotions which have made moderation possible in me.
For making me realize the worth of parents.
For the moments of silence within which help me recognize myself.
For the harshness that made me realize that life is not a cakewalk.
For the memories which I treasure.
For the wins which made me confident and the failures which kept me modest.
For the beauty in everything you created and for the occasional eye to admire it.
For the few special people who have inspired sea changes in my perception.
For all the ‘things gone wrong’ which actually set many things right.
For the people I shall adore no matter what.
For the questions you never answer.
For the answers which required no questions.
For the patience and integrity that keep being strengthened.


...I could have gone on and on and on...probably forever but somehow had fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of this untimely thanksgiving.thanks again GOD for respite from this bizarre insomnia
I woke up late the next day and still in bed smiled at myself and uttered aloud “Thank you,GOD”.

.......and I shall wait.

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

I hate you when you decipher my gloom without hearing my voice

I hate you when you are the first thought on my mind in the morning with a thousand more things craving for my attention

I hate you when every moonlit night,every surge on the ocean’s face ,the first drop of a summer shower or most simply a silent moment reminds me of you

I hate you when any string soulfully struck brings your radiant face flickering before my eyes

I hate you when I seek for you mindlessly in every crowd,every street,every corner.every edifice or even in the expanse of nothingness

I hate you when you make me smile at your little stupidities

I hate you when you spoil me with your care and concern...pampering me like a child

I hate you for the moments when you leave me speechless with your stunning charm and seraphic beauty

I hate you when you say ‘goodbye’ and leave my heart wailing like a baby

I hate you when I find myself loving you more and more...

RUN

No compulsions,no obsessions…still I do..
Is it the thrill? Is it the destination? Is it the drive?

I am unaware..
Fatigue is freshness.
Breathless , determined
Desperate , hopeful
Strained , inspired…
Exasprerated , forgiving
……confused.

The vicissitudes of the heavens formidable
…the blazing sun,the tempestuous torrent,the freeze spine chilling,heat…dust.tiring.
Pain,anguish and agony cast their menacing umbrage.the mind’s sky overcast…darkness engulfing.
Emotions impede me…nostalgia blurs my vision.A gust of guilt and a squall of doubt blows against my face.
Hints of diffidence assume diabolic proportions……A screeching,grinding halt seems inevitable…shall this road terminate?
Shall I succumb,surrender……stop?
A nod of the head,shaking off the cobwebs…a forceful shrug of the shoulders and I continue…UNFETTERED.
I RUN.
I have to…

Neither love nor hatred
Neither joy nor misery
Neither success nor failure
Feelings metamorphosize...responses change
Beliefs transformed...faith misplaced
Responsibilities shift and so does power....
Role reversals ,character replacements..
Relationships change faces,names and then...annihilate.
People and their thoughts....perspectives and opinions
...wanton winds of vicissitude foil any attempt of permanence


Voices honeyed nor venomous scorns,
Seasons of pain nor wisps of love...
Grief in the effusing drops nor the shatters of the breaking heart...tremors of trepidation nor the hash and hesitation
Lonely echoes of the wailing psyche nor the mirthful guffaws of the contented self
Neither the darkest umbrage nor the brightest radiance....

It’s true-“change is the only constant”

It’s obvious

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

At “yet another crossroad” of life’s journey I walked into a stranger who joined me in the odyssey of life
Days went by....Time ticked it’s way through weeks,months and years as I trod life’s tortuous and unpredictable avenues never realizing the subtle presence of this cohort-my fellow traveler


This span of time is all but a collection of moments-

Moments of your vanity...Moments of my consuming ego

Moments when I hurt you...Moments when you annoyed me

Moments when we differed...Moments when we conformed

Moments when you spoke...Moments when i listened

Moments when I didn’t speak...Moments when you still listened

Moments of laughing together..Moments when we remained silent

Moments when distances crept in..Moments when intimacy erased them

Moments when I comforted you...Moments when you understood me

Moments when you complained...Moments when I apologized

Moments when I asserted...Moments when you acknowledged


Pain inflicted,heart broken,sorrows lived,failures engulfed,existence torn apart,integrity interrogated,hopes crushed....but yet my heart bears no complains to GOD and LIFE who have endowed me with a

“A FRIEND LIKE YOU”

THE FACE IN THE MIRROR

Drenched,a day’s struggle washed out,I step out and suddenly pause as my gaze is caught by the face in the mirror....”who is it?”,I ask myself as a striking familiarity lurks from the crevices of the mind..i draw closer,stare at it.
The face is unique.a half lifetime of torment writ large on the brow.creased and folded it reflects the anfractuous intricacies housed within.furrowed and pale-it has been rendered by the chain of deceits it has withstood.
The eyes stoned.a gaze profound and suspicious.the weeping interior fails to vent through them as tears dry before making it out-seemed to have seen everything....simple pleasures,endless miseries,insurmountable egos,relationships gone awry,the ignominy of rejection.delve into them a little more and they present a darker umbrage of misfortune culminating in heartaches, sagas of pain and fables of failures ...so on and so forth.
The nose weary,having sniffed every emotion.the aroma of a mother’s affection,the puffs of spring laden with fragrances of first love,the odours of deception and the stink of guilt
I change the angle and notice the remarkable ears,still ringing in them are the echoes of mellifluous giggles,the venomous words of scorn,the eulogies of praise and the pejorative annotations.
the lips conceal within them storming revelations,confessions fighting to make it out,apologies and acknowledgements that never could be voiced,the tastes turned insipid with experiences of having loved,lost,....HURT.
I walk away....failing to recognize the face in the mirror.few steps paced I pause and reflect....
”....was that me ?”

Woes.....without you

(thoughts by a legend,reworded by me)

Those days when you had strolled into my life....
Life had livened up at your gracious advent,the seasons so sensuously clad....pathways were invitations that destinations had dished out....the flora around stood in wait,arms widespread,to drape me with the shawls of their comforting canopy...the dusk used to usher in a constellation of smiling stars,twinkling and amusing.the cool zephyr redolent with divine ballads used to caress and pass by,
The night sky was a lagoon of aqueous emerald where the moon blossomed daily and buoyed along to kiss the brims of my heart.....those days when you had strolled into my life...

....Tears have effaced the hues of desire....all innocent prediliction faded into lassitude.
YET the heart weaves dreams of union-aspires to conjure wreaths from pining wretches....
Seems like eons now that life has been a dismal drudge but a nook inside believes that there’s still a glimmer in the dark....name it ‘grit’ or simply ‘whimsical obstinacy’....
....HOPES have been incinerated to ashes yet there is some flame lurking in the remains....

“Aapki yaad kaise aayegi? aap ye kyon samajh na pate hain?...yaad to unki aati hai hum kabhi jinko bhul jaate hai”
Javed Akhtar

Rang De Basanti...The colors of revolution

The chimes ring in...the baritone vocals of a troubadour start ringing in my ears as I plug the earphone into my ears..eyes shut,the lights in the room dimmed deliberately....

I listen religiously,word after word the lyrics get assimilated by my brains....evokes responses,evanescent and disturbing,I continue to absorb the musicality

“Thodi si dhul meri dharti ke mere watan ki,thodi si khusboo barai si mast pawan ki,thodi si......”(sing the rest to yourself)

The cathartic dust of a nation’motherly’,of a nation ‘divided’;of a ‘mother pieced’.Internal feuds,sects torn in war
The odour of nefarious jealousy,obnoxious terrorism,mawkish fraudulency all so utterly prevalent,so strangely obvious-that this status quo doesn’t even raise eyebrows....people carry on,unaffected.
The atrocities galore,manslaughter plentiful-living in
an era where certitude of the continuum of breath bears no affirmation

“sapnay rang de,apne rang de,nasle rang de,fasle rang de...rang de dhadkan,rang de sargam...”

Dreams of an utopia envisaged by our forefathers gone
up in ashes-leaving behind only a contrail of the past,united Family values fast vapourizing,Generations
succumbing to evils of nepotism,bribery,sleaze,
scaretricks and adultery.The poor famished abject poverty smirking at our faces....every heartbeat unsure of it’s successor....millions of lives terminating in a flash,...the only cadence echoing are the cries of a desperate mother,a bereft wife or an orphaned child.
Faces sallowed-a mirror of the turbulent times


“basti rang de,hasti rang de...rang de bachpan,rang de yovan...”

Epidemics widespread, health hazards unavoidable – the ghastly repercussions of unabated pollution....tainted morals of
the afflicted bourgeois....innocence of adolescence blurred by abhorrent vices,the exuberance of youth obscured by besmirched doctrines.

“....mohe tu rang de basanti,mohe tu...”

“LOOSE CONTROL”..We have already lost it.The reigns of our lives held precariously in the hands of social monsters-gnawing away at our roots.
But everything is ‘kewl’ with the young bunch.
“....from the mahal of the taj,to the minar of qutub,...THEY ALL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY-To the corners of the earth,what is our search worth?what is our destiny?”-queries for the Indian juvenility....

“Khalbali hai khalbali...”-emotions stirred,responsibilities realized,enthused,empowered,adrenaline gushing.in search for answers-solutions rather.’NOW’ is the time to usher in the fresh colors of revolution-rang de basanti

“be a rebel”


“.....abhi abhi hua yakeen,ke aag hai mujhme kahin,....
Roobaroo roshni hai..”

A reincarnated conscience,believes resurrcted,powers unleashed-a new sun dawns on the tender minds.let ‘kewl’be a cliché’
Set your temperatures soaring....
... A nation calls,shall “a generation awaken?”

WISHES

I wish to ....relish a quiet moment with you,
when communication shall not need words,silence prevailing between the souls shall serve to melt two hearts into a concoction –two hearts which desperately crave for an eternal unison

Steps shall coincide as we tread the red sands,the sea emanating a symphony so melodious that even the deluge of time seems to stop to hark to it.
Closeness assumes a whole new meaning when the
entities of time dissolve into nothingness

Separated by distances unknown,immeasureable when two wandering psyches glance at the night’s sky flooded with the quelling beams of the effulgent moon,stealing a moment of solitude from the bustling madness of the exasperating society to admire the beauty of the celestial wonder ....not without thoughts of our beloved caressing our
Innermost cores...moonstruck!

As the night unfolds into it’s unexplored territories
And mercury plumates to values rarely observed I desire to experience your feel-those hands tender yet nimble,sunk into my hold.fidelity implicit,belongingness rendered tangible-concurrence in every wisp of feeling.feelings bearing so uncanny semblance that doubts of their origination becoming an inevitable reality.....confusing themselves too!!...hopelessly romantic

The hues of the heavens above darkened by the heavy nimbus clouds.As the incessant wrath of a downpour on a mid -august afternoon produces an almost cacophonous clamour,I crave to cherish an
Opportunity of being together ,perched on a
Parapet with you....a cup of steaming coffee in our hands....and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears as the untimely darkness bears testimony to the fact that our hearts are unfettered by the torrents the heavens offer,lost in each other’s presence so assiduously that the dissonance is music to our ears-the music of platonic amore

A bright Sunday morning as the sun begins to smile down merrily on the globe,yet we,sprawling in the bed even as the world begins to spring into life,reluctant to actuate, to veer out of the
Phantasmagoric vista which we together trod…in our chimeric realms.my fingers moving through your tantalizing tresses unkempt and undone attempting to ease out the flirtatious frizzes-an innocent prediliction nurtured and
exuding from within slowly and silently-a manifestation of uxoriousness.pampering you with the utmost sincerity and awaiting your reciprocation....yet unconditional

As the reverberations of conchs and cymbals shall fill
the atmosphere, as the sun after having blazed all day long sinks beneath the brims of horizon and the mural bathes in crimson and purple hues I shall sit beside you here at the abode of the Almighty thanking him earnestly for having ‘me’ saturated with’you’

a 'blank' verse

In a state of recumbence subtle images of life’s parables fleet by.
The solitary mind serves as a peduncle of introspection, gulping down morsels of
Melancholy and ecstasy from the past-a Pegasus.
Silence bestows a pristine blessing on the moments.Carefully I ruminate and find myself delving into the recesses of the forgotten tense. Silence begins to evolve into symphony. Renditions of a ruminating soul.
Amidst the reverberations of eclectic melodies emerge a myriad of familiar faces,from the culverts of oblivion, they surface to charm me once again.The evanescent scenes invoke a sense of deja-vu in the hurt heart and soon fade into nothingness.
As I relive the ordeal, realizing the oracular conclusion………left once again with a lovely memory….an ode or an oddment?